Who’s My Daddy?
I dunno what breed I am.
All’s I know is I’m 61 pound-eroos of chunky love.
I’m 16-inches from floor to shoulder and 21-inches from nose to base of tail.
And I like rice crackers.
Someone once said if I get wet, I’ll turn into a gremlin.
Another someone kept telling me to phone hooooooooome…
I think I see a resemblance here…
… and here.
Oh my!
Here kitty, kitty…
Oh, right. I amma dog, rememba? Let’s move on…
This is an American Pit Bull Terrier. And that’s me on the left… kinda sorta similar? Nah! I’m sexxier.
Here’s an American Staffordshire Terrier… I’m still sexier.
This is Chiante. I found her in GoogleLand. She’s an English Staffordshire Terrier.
And she’s one hot bitch!
But no similarities here either.
One time at band camp, a lady breeder of Bullmastiffs even thought I was a Bullmastiff puppy. She said, “Oh my! You’re gonna be a big boy when you grow up!”
And I said, “Oh my! There’s no way you’ve been breeding Bullmastiffs for 23 years!”
That’s nothing, compared to being called an overgrown Frenchie.
Sometimes I’ve been called an Olde English Bulldogge. Not the modern day English Bulldog, but the original ones from the olden days like Chomper. Hi Chomper.
Pretty close, huh. BTW, this was my adoption picture when I was homeless. It’s the pic my forever family saw and said, “WTF kind of dog is that??” Hee.
Case closed, I thought. And then Baloo happened.
Marone!! That’s I-talian speak for holy sh!t! Baloo is a French Mastiff aka Hooch aka Dogue de Bordeaux. Bitches of this breed start at 100-pound-eroos! Marone!!
Check it out!… Is it?? Could it be??
I’m a MINI-DOGUE de BORDEAUX!!!
Or not. ’cause there’s no such thing. I consider myself an optimistic realist but I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll never know who my daddy is. Time for a pensive Kodak moment.
*Heavy sigh*
Hey wait… Is it?? COULD IT BE?? …………………
DADDY!!!
That’s a joke. See, this dog’s name is -
Well, it’s not funny if I have to explain it, so I won’t.
So after all this, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that -
I’m a dog. And I like rice crackers.
